Wake up
by threelittlebirds94
Summary: Ukitake's illness reached a bad point and Kyouraku's there for him. But what happens when Kyouraku hides something from his friend? Could be taken as ShunUki  a little bit . Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Kyouraku jumped up from his sleep, Ukitake's reiatsu was way down. Worried, he flash-stepped to the 13th squad head quarters and opened Ukitake's door without knocking. He looked down at his friend who was shaking, sweating and grunting from the pain. Kyouraku calmed down when Ukitake opened his eyes and looked at him. Kyouraku headed towards the nearby kitchen and prepared the meds.  
Then he sat down next to Ukitake, handed him a cup of tea and a pill and gently said:  
"Here, take this "  
Ukitake replied with difficulty:  
"I …already took …my meds …tonight"  
"I know, you never forget to take them"  
Ukitake hesitated for a while and finally put the pill in his mouth and took a sip of his tea. The effect of the pill lasted only a moment, soon all the previous symptons came back. Kyouraku got worried and took his temperature, he did indeed have a fever. Shunsui headed back to the kitchen took a towel and dipped it in cold water, then he softly put it on Ukitake's forehead.  
Later that night, Kyouraku woke up by the hard sound of Ukitake`s breathing ,then Ukitake woke up and started coughing blood. Kyouraku grabbed his shoulder, said: "I`ll be right back, wait" and disappeared.  
When Kyouraku came back with Unohana-taichou , Ukitake was unconscious . Unohana sat down ,took his armand injected him with a weird greenish colored liquid.  
"Wh – What`s that ?"  
"Don`t worry, it`ll help"  
"How do you know? I thought the only drug that worked was the one I already gave him!"  
"This one doesn`t do anything about the illness itself …"

"It relieves the pain …"  
The next morning, Ukitake was very much awake and Kyouraku stared at him in surprise of his energy and the effectiveness of the drug. Ukitake was smiling, laughing, so hyper andhappy it even looked like he was high.  
Shunsui cheered up by seeing his friend so happy for the first time in months. Excited he went to the 4th squad head quarters and asked Unohana:  
"Hey!That weird drug you gave him last night worked really well!Was exactly was that anyway?"  
"Kyouraku Shunsui, you may not have noticed, but last night Ukitake-taichou was in much worse shape than you think. The drug I gave him should never be used more than once in a lifetime, it shouldn`t even be used at all."  
"H-Huh … What!Then why did you give it to him?And what do you mean,why? I mean, is it dangerous?"  
"Like I said, he was in much worse shape than you think"  
"Yeah,so? It`s not like he was going to – "  
Unohana opened her eyes which had been closed up until then. Shunsui understood:  
"W-Was he …?"  
"Most probably, yes …I`m sorry I didn`t tell you before …"  
" …Are there possible side-effects?"  
"Yes, some are possible …some are certain …"

"Damn" He ran away without saying a word. Arriving at the place where he had last seen his friend, he stood still. Slowly rotating his eyes from one side of the room to another. Some chairs, a table, a closet …but no white-haired pale man. Just when he was about to leave, Kiyone appeared before Kyouraku. He looked at her. She seemed worried, confused.  
"What happened, Kiyone?"  
Kiyone looked down. She slightly opened her mouth then shook her head and closed her mouth back shut.  
"Please tell me."  
" …he just … wasn't …acting like himself"  
Kyouraku sighed:  
"Yeah, that's what I thought"  
Looking up brutally in astonishment she asked:  
"Wh-what do you mean?"  
"Unohana told me" he answered then flash-stepped to Ukitake's room. He opened the door, walked in quietly and shifted his eyes to the left. There he sat, straight up, staring at the wall with his hands holding each other firmly. He was embracing both his knees tight against his chest and was balancing back and forward on his bed. Kyouraku took a couple more steps achieving a better angle on his shivering friend. There were tears in his eyes and he had a heartbreaking look on his face.  
Ukitake looked up to Kyouraku and told him in a trembling voice:  
"I don't know what came over me …I …screamed at everyone …I don't know why …"  
Kyouraku sat down next to his friend, smiled and began explaining:  
"Calm down, Ukitake …" Ukitake's face cleared, and he looked up to Kyouraku with wonder.  
"It's just the drug Unohana gave last night, don't worry about it ….heh, did you really think you were going crazy? You're too naïve …"  
Ukitake chuckled, smiled, shut his eyes and slightly tilting his head asked:  
"What drug?"  
Realizing he had just started a conversation he did not want to have, Kyouraku's smile disappeared. As did Ukitake's.  
" …what drug?" The 13th division captain whispered while staring at the floor in doubt.

_"Kyouraku!" Ukitake arrived in exasperation at the side of his friend. He leaned against the wall and bent over regaining his breath. Kyouraku looked at him and felt a little guilty.  
"Tell me what's going on!"Ukitake said in anger.  
"What makes you think there's something going on?"Replied Kyouraku in denial.  
"Don't lie to me!You've been acting strange, looking at me like I'm some sort of lost puppy and when I approach you talking to Unohana, you change the subject! I know there's something going on ,please tell me …"  
Shunsui realized there was no longer something he could do to keep this information from his friend. He took a deep breath then exhaled slowly and not looking Ukitake in the eyes he said:  
"Unohana claims your condition isn't gonna go away, ever"  
Ukitake waited, expecting him to add something else:  
" …Th-that's it? You shouldn't have been afraid to tell me that. I figured it out ages ago …" He chuckled  
"R-Really?"Kyouraku faked a relieved gasp and a smile:  
"That's good then! I thought it'd be harder to tell you…I'll go tell Unohana!"  
Shunsui walked away in a hurry. He knew that after so long, Jushiro would have figured that out. But when he was about to tell him what he didn't know yet, no words came out of his mouth. And then the ill man started talking and blew the confidence to tell what he was ready to right away. And Kyouraku ended up pretending he had already finished.  
"Wait, Kyouraku!" He turned around and Ukitake proceeded:  
"I'm sorry …I'm really sorry I yelled. I didn't mean to."  
Kyouraku sighed, gently smiled and said:  
"You had the right to yell. I shouldn't hide things from you." He chuckled. "Things about you, to boot."  
His own comment reminded him of what he was doing right then and there. He gathered all the strength and courage he could find inside him, closed his eyes and shouted:  
"Ukitake!" About to enter his room, Jushiro turned around.  
"I'm sorry, that wasn't everything we found out" Ukitake paid attention.  
"It …euh, it …will probably …" Kyouraku started having trouble breathing, sweating and continue talking no matter how much he tried.  
"You don't have to say it" Ukitake approached Kyouraku, put his hand on his shoulder, smiled and said:  
"You don't have to finish that sentence, I know how it ends" He disappeared as fast as the wind with a high quality shunpo.  
Kyouraku stared into space, no longer breathing, not blinking. Paralyzed. Astonished.  
When Shunsui came back to his senses, he hurried to his pale friend's room:  
"How did you know?"He asked timidly.  
"I figured that out, as well."  
"Then why're you depressed now? Nothing changed …"  
Jushiro chuckled and smiled:  
"Of course something's changed: now you know about it …"  
Wanting him to explain himself, Kyouraku said to Ukitake:  
"What does that matter?"  
"I was hoping you didn't realize until it happened ."  
"Heh …why would you?"  
"I didn't want you to suffer …It's always easier to die than to see someone die and deal with the grief …"  
Kyouraku stood amazed by the considerate comment of his best friend.  
"You'll have a harder time than me." Ukitake added.  
Speechless, Kyouraku stared at Ukitake, who was distracted gazing at his cup of tea.  
"I-I-I better be going" Kyouraku finally stuttered and walked out of the room with accelerated outside, he leaned against the wall with one hand and put the other one over his mouth to help calm his heavy breathing. His watery eyes were now pointing to the ground and he could slowly see his tears splashing on the ground, one by one. He was interrupted. Ukitake stood by his side willing to apologize for making him cry, but Shunsui got ahead of him:  
"Don't say sorry. You have nothing to say sorry for. You're going through a hard patch; it should be me comforting you."  
"I'm not. I've already been through my hard patch. Now I wanna help you get through yours."Ukitake smiled. "Let me.".Silence. "I just have one question" Jushiro raised his arm and, without turning around, he pointed besides him with his thumb and asked with a gentle voice:  
"Did someone put something in my tea?"  
"Oh …Yeah I think so, she mentioned something about a drug. The only one that would do anything about your condition. "  
_ ****  
"You said only one drug did something, then what drug did Unohana give me last night that would make me have mood swings?" asked Ukitake, starting to guess.

"What drug did Retsu give me last night, Kyouraku?" Kyouraku felt awkward and didn't know how to tell his very best friend since he was a teenager that he almost died a couple of hours ago. Ukitake still stared at him with puppy eyes. He could pretty much guess what had happened but he didn't want to assume until he heard the words. Kyouraku remembered all the other times his illness had reached a terribly bad point and how Ukitake was always strong, way stronger than him. So he didn't have as much trouble telling him the bad news, expecting him to react like he always did; calm, worried for others, comfortable, with a fake smile on his face trying to make Kyouraku feel as good as possible. Never thinking about himself.

"The drug Unohana-taicho gave you only relieved the pain, if she wouldn't have given it to you, you could have died. She told me that drug should never be used more than once in a lifetime and that it shouldn't even be used at all." Kyouraku answered sincerely. Kyouraku waited for Ukitake's reaction but got nothing. His expression was blank, neutral, impossible to read. He wasn't, smiling and trying to comfort Kyouraku, no. Nor did he just nod and step away, like he had done when the news was unexpected. Kyouraku got worried. Why wasn't Ukitake saying- doing, anything? As Kyouraku waited and waited, he got more worried.

All of a sudden, Ukitake's expression changed to something Kyouraku didn't think he had ever seen before; anger. And a single word came out of his mouth. A word full of anger, desperation, and sadness.  
"Already?" Ukitake stood up from his bed, hands made fists. "Already!"He yelled to an open-mouthed, speechless Kyouraku. Kyouraku had never seen him like this before.  
"Already! So damn fast? Is my stupid body really disintegrating already? Am I going to die already? It's not fair, it's not normal, it's…It's…I…I'm not ready!"  
With each word he spoke, he got more desperate, angrier, and sadder. After all, Ukitake's pretending to be okay had worked. Even though everyone knew his expression of emotions was false, it hid his true feelings and how terrible they were. He still had an angry look on his face, but this time it came with lots of other emotions such as sadness, confusion and disappointment.

It made Kyouraku realize that he, who pretended to be perfectly fine, was actually suffering, bleeding into his heart. And the dam holding back a river of tears had finally broken, and he was crying, and he was screaming. Kyouraku felt like crying himself, leaving, sorrow in a corner of his room. But he couldn't, he shouldn't. For once, he had to be strong for Ukitake, and not the other way around.  
Now Ukitake just stood. Crying. He knew…He knew this was going to happen and he could have sworn he was ready, he could have sworn he was going to be strong for others. But he couldn't, he couldn't hold it back any longer. He had been holding it in for over 1000 years. The last time he had cried was when he had figured out he was going to suffer- moreover, die, and thus leaving Kyouraku without a friend, leaving his siblings without a brother, leaving his subordinates without a teacher, leaving his teacher without what was like a son to him; and so on. He knew back then, his suffering would cause others to suffer as well. And back then, that was all he cared about.

But now, he cared for himself for the first time in his life, he was scared from death. And Kyouraku was glad. It was about time that happened. It was about time he started worrying about himself, stop thinking that much about other's well-being when it was him who needed help, who needed comforting.  
Kyouraku stood up and walked towards Ukitake. Realizing this, the pale captain loosened his fists and calmed his crying. Once standing right in front of him, Kyouraku took hold of Ukitake's shoulders and gave him a hug. Ukitake's eyes widened and started to cry even harder, he hid his face in his friend's shoulder and let everything out. He hugged him back. He cried…and he cried…and finally they both fell asleep on the floor. Ukitake promised to himself he wouldn't cry again and he would go happily.


	2. Chapter 2

After a long, dreamless sleep, Ukitake finally woke up. Despite the fact that he had just slept about fifteen hours, he was exhausted. His face still felt wet from all the crying and his eyes were red and puffy. When the blurriness in his vision finally disappeared, he saw he had fallen asleep on the hard, cold floor. Kyouraku had been called away by Nanao to catch up on some paperwork, which had briefly woken the pale sleeping captain, but he fell back asleep in a matter of seconds. He sat up, yawned and rubbed his eyes with both hands. He knew that soon his condition would significantly worsen, to such a point he'd be bedridden for a long, difficult time. Unohana had told him he was in for long periods of delirious sleep-like moments, high fevers, night chills, and of course, the usual: the painful coughing up of blood. He didn't know if he'd make it through this next sickness episode. But he was ready now. Ready to move on, ready to say goodbye, to leave; even though he didn't know where he would be going. A scary thought, for sure, but he was a brave man and was going to just face it when the moment came.

At the time, getting out of bed seemed like the most reasonable thing to do. To get up, out, and enjoy the cool, fresh air for what could be the last time. To take a walk around Seireitei and watch the young, new Shinigami become strong, moment he wouldn't get to witness, he said to himself. Maybe even visit the Rukongai to help some of the souls over there find their dead friends and family members in the vast area where they had lost them. It wouldn't be the first time he had done that. Then, if possible, he could even go to the real world and have a chat with Urahara and Yoruichi, as well as the former captain Isshin, the latter's son and his son's friends. Of course, some of them would be suspicious of his sudden and purposeless appearance, whereas others would just consider it a casual visit. He knew that the ones who would be suspicious would probably not question him about it. They would just sit there quietly, a silent goodbye. Because there wasn't anything to be said, and the talk would just make things uncomfortable and somewhat depressing. The ones who would think of his appearance as a casual visit would, no doubt about it, be quite shocked when the news would get to them, but they didn't know him all that well, Ukitake figured, so they wouldn't have too much of a hard time getting over it.

It had been more than a month. Every day had been a little worse than the previous one. It had come to the point Ukitake had to lie in his bed all night, all day and every day. There hadn't been a day Kyouraku had not been by his side. He ate, slept, did his paperwork; all in Ukitake's room, by his bedside. He only left to go to the bathroom or to go buy more sake. Even when someone else was there to take care of him, Kyouraku stayed, drifting off to his much needed sleep. And everyone knew, including the constantly half-asleep-half-unconscious and delirious Ukitake, that he was drinking much more than before. And much, much more than was healthy for anyone to bear. But no one said anything to him about it, it would be meaningless. There wasn't anything else Kyouraku could do at the time besides watching over his friend, sleeping, and drinking as much as he could to keep the sorrow deep inside. He didn't even show up to the captains' meetings anymore. Neither of them did. When Ukitake would go, so would Kyouraku, it seemed. Everyone was worried about them, the both of them. And sometimes Kyouraku was even the most worrisome, the way he was acting. Which was ironic considering he wasn't the one who was actually on the verge of dying. Even though he had promised to himself he would be strong for his friend, Kyouraku seemed to be breaking his promise. There was just no way he could be strong at a moment like this. Nobody could expect any form of strength from either one of them.

As time passed, Kyouraku had lessened the time he spent over at the 13th squad head quarters, even with Ukitake getting worse instead of better. Nanao, whom was currently the one spending the most time with her captain was troubled by Kyouraku's timing. It confused her that just when his best friend's condition was getting even worse, her captain pulled away. All he did now was drink and sleep, in his own head quarters, isolated and alone, which seemed so much worse. Maybe she had overestimated her captain's emotional strength when it came to Ukitake. Maybe he had pulled away because he could no longer stand to see his friend in pain.

*-*-*-*-*

Nanao hurried to the eight squad head quarters. "How am I supposed to notify him of something like this?" she thought, worried about her captain. "Those men have been best friends for more than two thousand years! Although Kyouraku-taichou has known this moment would come for a very long time, I'm not sure if he's entirely ready for this." She sighed. "Well, I guess that's one of the inconveniences of being immortal: making such good friendship..." Lost in her thoughts, she hadn't noticed her steps had accelerated quite a lot. She frowned, her feet were on autopilot, it wasn't her walking that fast. Her hands clamped the folders she was holding and she managed to stop her compulsion, drastically slowing down her steps. "He won't be the same… after this; he will not be the same." She sighed and continued to her destination. Once standing in front of her captain's door, she felt empathy for her soon-to-be "friend widow" captain and knocked softly. No answer. She knocked again, this time a little harder and more times. Still no answer. "Kyouraku-taichou!" She yelled. It seemed as if no one were there, so Nanao opened the door. Kyouraku was just sitting on his desk, doing paperwork. He never did paperwork. Despite the fact that Nanao was surprised, and certain her captain had heard her before, she tried to act like she normally did around him and said: "Are you deaf? I knocked four times and I yelled, loudly! You're drunk or distracted thinking about girls again, aren't you?" Kyouraku slowly turned his head to look at Nanao, then turned his head back and continued doing his paperwork, the disturbing look on his face gave him away. Nanao understood, and, out of respect, kneeled with one fist on the ground.

He already knew, he had already been informed of the message he had most feared to hear in his life. "It's time" After all, maybe he, too, was not as prepared as he hoped he would be. Just like it had turned out Ukitake wasn't prepared either. They had both spent too much time together for it to be anything less than devastating. But, this thing Shunsui was doing right now? Just pretending it was not true as if somehow if he would act as if this wasn't, it would go away? What was that? Denial. No more than plain stupidity. And what would that be good for? It would only prevent him from spending time with his dying friend. With his very best friend, whom was running out of time, fast. Nanao bowed her head a little more and asked: "Permission to speak." Kyouraku took his eyes off his paperwork, to which he wasn't really paying attention, and nodded. Ise rose her head and asked, worried and a little angry: "Why aren't you with him?!" Shunsui's eyes widened, he got tears in his eyes and stared at the floor. Why wasn't he with him? He wasn't even that sure about that. Nanao knew.  
"I don't know." He whispered, with his eyes pierced together and his hands tightly grabbing his kimono. "I-I don't know" he repeated, letting some tears fall. The scene was heartbreaking. Nanao had no idea the amount of suffering her captain was going through, but she knew no one in Seiretei had or would ever go through the same thing.  
"You're not ready." She said supportively. Her captain reacted vaguely. "You cannot say goodbye to somebody like him. It's too hard for you. You sincerely thought you would be able to handle this, but there isn't anyone who could. I honestly have no idea the point to which this is unbearable, but, Taichou, you have to go. How will you be able to live with yourself of you don't g-" She was interrupted.  
"How will I be able to live with myself if I do? If I go, and… talk to him for the last time…? Like you said, I cannot say goodbye to him." Shunsui said hopelessly. "Don't be so selfish! You have, you need to do it. What about him? What about Ukitake-taichou? What if he dies with no one by his side? Have you thought about that? I…I command you to go right now!" Realizing she had just given an order her captain, Nanao rapidly covered her lips with one hand. Her captain just looked at her and after a while, his face expression changed to something Nanao was a little bit more used to: he stood up and gave her a sympathetic smile. She carefully took her hand off her lips as Shunsui walked out of the room.

Kyouraku walked, slowly. He could very easily use shunpo, arrive there faster, but he decided to walk and get ready, prepare what he was going to do and say. After about twenty minutes of extreme slow walking, Kyouraku finally arrived at the fourth squad head quarters. Standing in front of the door, he realized he had not come up with anything to say. Despite of this, he opened the door, and then walked in.

**Okay, it's been a while since I updated this. Mostly because the only outcome I can think of is... well, mah dear captain dying, and nobody wants that...**


End file.
